Yesterday I went to the bank. I wanted to get a small loan to purchase some land. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to buy 20+ acres of raw, un-developed land as a personal retreat space. Maybe develop it over time; maybe not. I’ve had some bumps in my credit, but I believed those to be resolved. They were a long time ago (over 7 years), and I make a lot of money now. I figured they wouldn’t be a problem.
I was denied for the loan because of ~$15,000 in charged-off debt from cards that I wasn’t aware that I had. For those who don’t know, charged-off debt means that the creditor gave up on trying to collect, so they stamp a big “fuck you!” on your credit report. If I had known that I had these debts, I could have avoided this.
It wasn’t some nefarious plot from evil identity-theiving masterminds. It wasn’t some mistake. It was the ex-wife. She took out the debt about 5 years ago (not enough for it to fall off my report) while we were still married. I didn’t know about it, but am on the hook for it now. You see, I was stupid enough to let an un-trustworthy person manage my finances during that time of my life. I would sign something that she gave me to sign, for example, because I believed she knew what she was doing. Apparently, I was wrong.
Here’s the thing, though. Between yesterday and today absolutely nothing has changed in my life. I make as much as I did. I have the same bills. I tuck away the same amount in savings every month. Everything is the same. Except for this new knowledge.
My immediate reaction to the news was “fuck that bitch! I’m going to kill her!” After a bit I calmed down.
I’ve spent a lot of years working on anger issues, and have come out a much better person for it. I have spent all of my life that I actually have memories of working to get away from the poverty of my youth, and have been successfull. I have spent the last 5 years getting over the anger associated with a relationship gone very, very bad and thought I had overcome it.
In that brief moment; those few minutes of rage of a life-long dream really only temporarily delayed, I realized I still have some work to do.